Hello,
I'm feeling apprehensive as this is my first blog entry, but I doubt anyone will be reading it except me, so I guess I should relax.
I wanted to talk about my social anxiety
I have watched some videos about social anxiety on YouTube and I found some people that came to the same conclusion as me. Social anxiety is basically intense shame.
When you take it to the extreme, you are ashamed of your very existence and can barely step out of the house, let alone look someone in the face.
For me, it has led to intense depression and feelings of total worthlessness. I have become terrified of people.
I can't bear conflict or anyone becoming angry or even slightly annoyed with me. When it does happen it's literally like being faced by a tiger. Yes, imagine an actual tiger turning to you and fixing its gaze on you....and its not in a cage. That is what it's like when someone (other than people I'm close to) gets angry with me. My mind goes into total panic mode and I feel like I'm going mad. That sounds ridiculous but I don't care because that is almost exactly how it is.
I'm lost now and I desperately need help. But I understand at the same time, that the only one who can help me is myself.
The question is, how do I get to feeling that I deserve to exist?
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