I respond to my fear of women

I'm changing my thinking - doing some cognitive behavioral therapy on my repetitive thoughts.

I have met many reasonable, rational and kind women in my life, yet despite being a woman myself I live in fear of other women. Here is some real life evidence to counter my fear:

• The old lady who said I had a lovely smile
• The lady who said I had nice shiny thick hair
• The patient old lady who gave no sign of irritation when I messed up twice on my first day working on the till at M&S
• Some girls at school, I won't name names. Really lovely clever kind girls.

And finally, to put my obsessive negativity into perspective. I was date checking fruit & veg the other day in M&S when an old lady asked me to show her to the lift. She was very old, alone and had a walking stick. She couldn't really walk, she had to shuffle very slowly. She told me that she had fallen over recently and that she was due to have an operation. She was clearly in pain. She kept apologising to me that she was going to slow. She told me that me being there with her was a comfort to her and she kept thanking me. 

In one blinding rush I realised the pettiness and narrow mindedness of constantly thinking of my own suffering. Everyone in this world is suffering and the only worthwhile duty in life is to relieve the suffering of others.

 I had generalised women, 50% of the population and written them all off a cruel, amoral vicious harridans. Some women will have these traits but I have been taking it to ridiculous lengths. I have a phobia, I know that now. I am particularly afraid of old women, as I've had some bad experiences with some short tempered ones. But this woman showed me the error of my thinking, the fatal error of generalising and taking those generalisations too seriously.

 I have been negating women in the way I excessively think they will all negate me. I have been dehumanising them because I feel that they will dehumanise me.

All people, men and women are individuals and should be treated accordingly. That old lady has taught me a lesson; keep your mind and heart open, learn from your suffering and move on, every human being is an individual and they all differ so never despair and also how you view others can reveal so much about yourself.